What happens at BOHICA…

You never know what’s going to be served up at an F3 Jax beatdown, and this morning is likely to be remembered (and relived in counseling) by the pax for quite some time.  It all started with a leisurely perusal of the Exicon (a dangerous pastime) and some leftover logs from Hurricane Matthew…

Warmup:

• 15 x Smurfjacks
• 20 x Don Quixote
• 20 x Copperhead Merkins
• 20 x Copperhead squats

The Thang

• Climate Change – hold Al Gore and do a Burpee Time Bomb (5 each) around the circle; with 15 pax, this resulted in considerable #TLQ and mumblechatter

• Find a partner, pick a starting corner.  Corners 2 & 4 have a mix of one-man and two-man logs.
• Two full rounds.  Between exercises, run/karaoke/backwards run from corner to corner, always facing pavilion.
• Stations:
  1. 25 x Iron Cross
  2. 25 x Supine Log Merkins (bench press)
  3. 25 x Iron Mike (jump lunges)
  4. 25 x Squat to overhead log press
  5. 15 x Flapjack burpees (start and end on back)
  6. 25 x Partner sit-ups w/ log to chest
  7. 25 x Gorilla Humpers
  8. 25 x Log Curls

There was some initial confusion about terminology (supine means flat on your six, btdubs) and the variety of possible techniques for performing the Flapjack Burpee, but once the kinks were worked out the pax put in some solid logwork and legwork, even with Team Jumanji/Cousin Eddie deciding they wanted to march to the beat of their own drum and throw off the pattern.

When finished with one full circuit of two laps, the faithful planked in the middle of the field for the six, and that’s when things started going downhill fast.

• Tunnel of Love – an old standby for getting the pax good and sandy and generating PG-13 mumblechatter; one full rotation of 15 pax

Followed by a new Exicon-sanctioned experiment (although how it was approved is beyond YHC’s pay grade):

• Bridge of Hate – inverted tunnel of love, pax lay close together on backs, alternating head-to-feet for stability, and pass horizontal pax down the line mosh pit style.

As far as manly bonding experiences go, this was one for the history books.  As in, let’s retire this one immediately and put it in the Parade of Horribles hall of fame.  What in theory sounded like a fairly basic inversion of a classic F3 exercise, in practice turned into a sweaty jumble of appendages and other less savory body parts, violated personal bubbles, dirt in mouths and other facial orifices, and a hysterical procession of weaving, halting, crashing crowd surfers.  Needless to say, the mumblechatter was legendary and will not be repeated in this context.

Finally, with 4 minutes remaining, mosey to the playground for:

• Six Pack – Werkins and pull-ups, up and down the ladder with the top rung doubled (do 5+1 twice)

Steaming Moleskin:

• In hindsight, the work of transporting and setting up the logs probably would have been better utilized with another round of 4 Corners instead of Tunnel of Love/Bridge of Hate, but it sure spiced things up!
• The Jax Pax now know each other much more… intimately than any of us ever wanted to.  ‘Nuff said.
• Overheard during Tunnel of Love: “Optional pickle pounders?”  No.  Just no.

Announcements/Prayers:

• BB gave a rundown of the itinerary for GrowRuck weekend.  Two important points:
  • Saturday AM Anchor & Grow School will be held at Southside Park, not Alexandria Oaks, because of the better facilities
  • GrowRuck go-time Saturday is 2100, not 1800
• Toxic and M
• Trinity Rescue – plan on 0600 Friday Nov. 4, need to confirm with volunteer coordinator