MANatee Rebirth

Posted on Posted in Backblasts
  • When: 04/20/17
  • QIC: Jumanji
  • The PAX: Heisenberg, Big Bird, Drone, Toxic, Burmese Python, Bowser, Doggy Howzer, Pyro, SOC, Synapse, Paddy, Feud, Jumanji

13 lucky PAX posted for the rebirth of the JAX MANatee. Unlike its sea-cow namesake who spends its days floating through life stoned on river vegetation, this event promotes competition, strength, and speed.


  • Weather: light dose of sweaty balls before exercise
  • Heisenberg: light flatulence
  • Big Bird: short shorts
  • Pyro: immaculate hair
  • Toxic: moderately coherent

Warm-up: 20 burpees and some other cadence exercises

The Thang (MANatee):

  • Station 1: 20 dips, 20 derkins at pavilion
  • Station 2: 10 pull-ups, 20 swerkins (on first lap substitute werkins for swerkins) at playground
  • Station 3: suicides with 20 monkey humpers on return to baseline on bball court
  • Station 4: duck walk around racquetball court, people’s chair with 20 overhead claps on wall
  • Station 5: 20 BB situps, 20 WWI situps on grass in front of library
  • Repeat until time (done for 40 minutes with 5 minute warm-up prior). Winner is person who gets the furthest. Sucks to suck. Pays to be a winner. Previous winners include Drone and OTC.
  • Created by Big Bird circa 2015-16

The Result:

  • Gold- Drone; Silver- Pyro; Bronze-Big Bird
  • Drone retained his championship belt by the slimmest of margins over a hard-charging Pyro. Mumblechatter indicated that if YHC hadn’t called it 3 minutes early Pyro may have caught him. Called at 37 minutes according to Drone’s fancy watch thing. Editor’s Note- Pyro is in his 40s and Drone and Big Bird are bearded millennial 20 somethings.
  • As participation trophies will lead to the downfall of Western civilization, I will refrain from the cliche ‘everyone is a winner because they tried’ line. There is only one winner and it is Drone. The beauty of F3 is you have a standard in the man in front of you and behind you: if you slow down the man in front will run away from you and the man behind will pass you. Sucks to suck, pays to be a winner.
  • However, everyone did push themselves and now have a PR to beat the next time the fat sea-cow rolls into town.
  • Shout out to Heisenberg for disregarding his personal glory and PR to ensure the newbies understood the routine on the first lap. YHC realized what he was doing once he hit the afterburners on the 2nd lap and passed YHC leaving behind only a cloud of brussel sprout flatulence to remember him by

COT/BOM: 2nd anniversary Saturday in Riverside at Memorial Park

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