Handle with Care

YHC has a news flash for his fellow Badlanders – women are different from men! And in so many ways! There are, of course, the physical differences, not only in appearance, but – and this is important – in how we describe our body parts. We men, for example, refer to pumped biceps as “guns.” But woe to the man who, say, joins his wife for a female-led yoga class and innocently remarks to his M, “That instructor has some nice guns!” For he will find himself sleeping in the back of the minivan for the next month.

There are emotional differences as well. Women have emotions and love to share them. Men are less adept at sharing feelings, usually because men don’t have any. (That, of course, changes abruptly if the QB of our college alma mater throws an interception into triple coverage.) YHC’s M, for example, can spend hours – spread over the course of several days – describing the emotional trauma of, oh, say, toasting a bagel, leaving said bagel unattended (and seemingly abandoned) whilst going off to perform some morning chores, and then returning to the kitchen to find said bagel missing, with her husband’s chest hair containing what she perceives to be damning bagel crumbs. (How’s THAT for an image? Let that one mentally marinate for a while, boys!)

Such a scenario could devolve into the Mount Vesuvius of emotional eruptions … She waxing on (and on) in excruciating detail about how that very bagel was the perfect bagel, how she handpicked it for maximum freshness from the artisan bakers at Fresh Market, and how at the time of her return to the kitchen that sublime little wheel of dense doughy chewiness would have cooled to the just-right temperature for maximal cream-cheese absorption and subsequent consumption… He remaining silent during her heart-wrenching outpouring, all the while wondering what in the world his alma mater’s QB could have possibly been thinking when he threw into triple coverage.

Now, YHC knows what you’re thinking, Badlanders – the M toasted a bagel; the bagel is missing; YHC is covered in bagel crumbs… it doesn’t take Perry Mason to ask the obvious question: “YHC, did you put some bacon on top of that cream-cheesed bagel?” Alas; we were out of bacon, which, in hindsight, is something that YHC probably should NOT have complained to the M about whilst she was in full bloom of her emotive reminiscing about the purloined bagel. The point here is… what’s the point… oh yes! QBs should NEVER throw into triple coverage! I mean, a safety on top, a linebacker underneath, and — wait, there was something else … ah yes! The point is we (perhaps meaning only YHC), as men, should strive to be a little more sensitive to those around us. Someone (perhaps meaning YHC’s M) leaves a bagel in the toaster that appears to abandoned? Ask if it belongs to someone else. Someone at work seems a little down? Take a few minutes and inquire. Everything seems fine with the 2.0s? Take the time to ask to make sure it is. You haven’t called your parents in a while? Squeeze it in. We all could probably handle our relationships with a little more care and delicacy.

In order to manifest this radical point about care and delicacy into a Badlands-worthy workout, YHC introduced the Pax to a new workout partner – the raw egg. Like our relationships, the egg is delicate and requires our care, and, unlike the QB of YHC’s alma mater, it will NOT throw into triple coverage. So… on to the workout!

Warm-Up
• Mosey around the parking lot, then some windmills, cotton pickers, LBCs, side planks with leg pulses to warm up.

The Thang
Everyone grab an egg and partner up.
• Egg Squats: P1 does holds an egg in each hand, then does a squat, carefully placing the eggs on the ground, then rises up. Squats down again and picks the eggs up. Repeats until P2 returns. P2 broad jumps to the first island and runs back. Repeat until partners combine for 150 squats.
• Hallelujah Run: P1 takes both eggs, raises over head, and runs to the second island and back. P2 does monkey humpers while waiting. Switch. Repeat until perform combined 300 MH’s.
• Egg Planks: P1 planks. P2 puts both eggs on P1’s back, and then bear crawls to first island and runs back. Switch. Each partner bear crawls 3x.
• Egg Leg Lifts: P1 lays on the ground, performs a leg lift, feet tightly together. P2 puts eggs on P1’s feet, then runs to second island. Performs 20 merkins then runs back. Switch. Stop when each partner performs 100 merkins.
• Hallelujah Lunges: P1 heads to the first island, both eggs raised over his head, lunge-walking, and returns, lunge-walking. P2 performs LBCs. Switch. Perform until 500 LBCs accomplished.

Ran out of time – didn’t get to Eggs and Balls to the Wall, and what I’m sure would’ve been a real crowd-pleaser, the Bear Crawl Egg Roll.

Finished with three penalty burpees for the three broken eggs.

F2 coming up… soon… Prayers for several of the Ms (McD, FM), for Flo and Gravy job situations, for Duck’s fast recovery (a pleasure to sub for you today, Duck) and for all unspoken needs. Always a pleasure. YHC… out!