I find that when I am scheduled to Q, I often dream up workouts when I should be doing other things. Usually at work. So instead of writing a sermon to lift spirits, I wrote a workout to crush them. Crushing Spirits wasn’t actually the goal, but there did end up being a lot of weeping and gnashing of teeth. Aquaman said he was seeing stars, which I took as a statement of spiritual enlightenment.
This workout started taking shape in my heart after talking to Heisenberg on Tuesday about the Michigan workout. Hmmm… running Gassers and doing exercises… The Spirit descended…
About a 3 minute mosey around the turf field, we lined up on the goal line for some Michael Phelpses, Reachers, and Knee Huggers.
4 set workout – with each set there was some sort of Out & Back self-transportation that happened in between exercises.
The first reading was from the book of Reservations:
200 Yd Gassers (Goal line to Goal line and back again) before each of the following: 25 Burpees, 50 Dry Docks, 75 Monkey Humpers, 100 Pretzel Crunches (50 each side).
The second reading was from the book of the prophet Dora:
Pax paired up to complete 100 Diamond Merkins, 150 Jump Squats, 200 4 Count Flutter Kicks, while 1 partner ran backwards for 100 yards (to the 50 yd line and back). YHC had not quite considered that jump squats and backward running make for an apocalyptic pair.
The third reading was from an apocryphal text – the Oracle of the Burning Shoulder:
40 Yard Bear Crawls (20yds out and back) before each of the following: 25 Mahktar N’Dyes, 50 Surrender Squats, 75 Reverse Crunches, 100 Side Straddle Hops.
The final reading was the Parable of the Temptation to Merlot:
10 yd Broad Jumps (goal line to the 10, walk back to goal line; I had originally thought we would do 10 merkins at the 10 yd line and then Broad jump back, but I called an audible because of the title of the Parable) before each of the following: 25 Burpees, 25 4-count Plank Jacks, and 25 Bonnie Blairs (counting 1 leg of course).
We then walked to the 30 and back, I said we were done, and there was much rejoicing. We moseyed back to the flag, picking up some trash along the way.
COT – Just because I’m a pastor doesn’t mean I don’t struggle with trusting the goodness of God in a sad, sad world. Yesterday I was called to minister to a family after a suicide – a young man in his 20s who had some anxiety but seemed very happy to his new wife Thursday afternoon. He took his own life Thursday night. I didn’t know the man, but I know his wife and her mother very well. There are times when it is hard to feel God’s goodness. The Psalms is where I go – and where I counsel people to go – when they don’t feel it but need to know it. The Psalms feel free to yell at God and wonder where he is when he seems absent, but also relentlessly hold onto faith in God and God’s sovereignty when the world is crumbling around us. Hold on, brothers, and let Him hold onto you. He loves you and He is so good – even when we don’t feel it.
Prayers for a daughter in distress, an M getting an MRI, and an AO starting on Fleming Island July 11 (Woot Woot!).
I was very touched that at Coffeteria, Culpepper led the guys to gather around, lay hands on me and pray that God would sustain me – right in the middle of Maple Street. I’ve been doing F3 for a year and a week. You are my brothers, and I don’t know what I’d do without you. I’ve got tears in my eyes as I write this. I love you. Thank you for helping me to be a better man.