Kraken 2021

Posted on Posted in Backblasts
  • When: 2/20/2021
  • QIC: The SkyQ
  • The PAX: 70+

Kraken 2021 is in the books and what an event it was! More than 70 HIMs from four regions (F3 Jax, Spacecoast, Suncoast and Atlanta) took part in the grueling 16.8 mile event, pushing themselves and each other to some ground-breaking physical achievements. In particular, hats off to:

• Crop Duster, who ran the whole thing with a 20-lb pack on his back. Rumor is next year he will attempt do it carrying Wasted on his shoulders.
• D-Day, who had never traversed more than five miles on foot in his life, but crushed his personal record by more than three miles yesterday.
• Kramer, for rucking the entire thing, providing the perfect ending to the event just as it was winding down.
• Lacelot, for biking 33 miles (purposefully we should add, NOT pulling a “Townie”), and doing so despite being bloodied after he was run off the road.

We think there were several unofficial records set as well, including:

A new course record. While no one was close enough to him to record it, the statistical department of F3 Badlands has concluded that there is a 99.999% probability that Left Turn set a new course record.
Most mentions of Chicago Bears players, current and retired, by Dollar Bill, breaking the old record held by Full Monty.
Most jokes per mile, and good ones at that, set by Prunetang.
Most able to endure hearing Slash complain about his injury history, set by the remarkably patient Guard Dawg / Team Mom over 8.5 miles.
Most bagpiping per mile, set by Roddy.
Most miles logged on a bum hip, by the indefatigable Papa Smurf.
Largest spontaneous and in-sync pain-based groan by a group of old guys, when the 25 – 30 guys who were still around at the end were somehow able to lower themselves to respectfully take a knee for the closing prayer despite having suffered through the Kraken.

Kraken 2021 also featured several notable appearances, including:

• Our old friend Blowout leading a contingent – great to see him again! Kudos for planting seeds down south and for leading that region to what sounds like some serious growth!
• Outhouse popping up at PS2 to provide moral support at the halfway point – can’t wait to see him back out there ITG!
• It was also notable who wasn’t able to drop in and make a highly hoped for and anticipated appearance – McDreamy, we missed you brother, and we pray everything is well with the family.

In addition, we had two of the NocRucks Club guys join us – Josh & Vladimir (PruneTang’s buddies). They had to bail before the COT but we will name them at their next F3 workout.

Beyond the sweat and the camaraderie, we heard and saw what F3 is really all about – men supporting men (or as Prunetang might say, men serving as athletic supporters), and making a faith-based difference in the lives of others. Prunetang and Lacelot great speeches at the end about the impact F3 has had in their lives, and the capper came with the delivery of the $6,000+ check to Trinity Rescue Mission’s Mike Messer at the end. Bravo, F3 Jax, and a special salute to the tips of the spear, so to speak, on the Trinity effort, including Septum, Check Please and Saigon Sam.

And salute as well to all of the volunteers at the pain stations. Without their help, encouragement, smiles and supplies, the beach would probably still be littered with the bodies of collapsed pax. And thanks to Miss Daisy for providing support as well on the Boulevard as everyone finished up the back half of the event.

And last but not least, take a bow, Aquaman. The idea you had back in 2019 has manifested into something truly special. Completely stupid? Perhaps (but as men, we relish completely stupid!). Utterly pointless? Definitely not!

We look forward to Kraken 2022, where we will push ourselves even harder, raise even more money for Trinity Rescue Mission, and, hopefully, find an answer to 2021 Kraken’s most pressing, unresolved question – is Yard Sale’s outside plumbing infrastructure just a shower or does it, as several anonymous bladder-challenged Pax vehemently contend, also double as a latrine?!? Well done, everyone!

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