Badlands Beep Test

Posted on Posted in Backblasts
  • When: 04/10/2018
  • QIC: Slash
  • The PAX: Airbags (respect), Bada Bing, Bullwinkle, Cornhole, Dollar Bill, Osteen, Outhouse, Pixar, Pom Pom, Rimshot, Seinfeld

One of the joys of F3 is that you learn something new about your brothers at each beatdown.  We all know, for example, that Outhouse is pull-up machine as well a member in fine standing in the world of financial services (a most noble industry). Some of us who have been on IR have benefited from his knowledge obtained via his degree in sports medicine.  And today we learned that he is part oracle (not the database company) and part meteorologist, as he declared upon arrival that the skies would again open and the rain would return at precisely 6:04 a.m.  And lo; in the thirty-fourth minute of today’s gathering, the heavens did indeed part, and came then the wet, just as our renaissance man had foreseen.  (Or maybe he had just glanced at his weather app before getting out of the Outhousemobile — I prefer to think it the former, though.) Beep

With the weather playing such an important role today, YHC will recap the conditions:  Just a smidge of humidity, somewhere between the 99% and 100% range.  The temp was a comfortable 61 though, and with the insidious Beep Test looming, we all were grateful that the pollen count was relatively low, what with the morning precipitation having washed the oak, cedar, and myrtle pollen out of the air.

No FNGs this morning.  YHC is NOT a professional, modify as need be.  And so it begins, the long-awaited Beep Test beatdown (in more ways than one), which we shall weave into our quarterly metrics.  For those who missed it be it for travel or other reasons (Gizzard, Monty, Snaggle, Squeege, Sand Crab, Mr. Clean, McD, and Zamboni, we missed you out there, and you too, Snookie!), you’ll get another shot at it soon, as I’ll drop this into my Q in May.  We shall formally test ourselves and again record the results in three months hence, in early July.


Started off with a gentle mosey, heading to Jessica Field, about a third of a mile, mixing in some kareoke (someone please tell me how to spell that), high knees, and butt kicks.  With a few minutes of mosey behind us, we then mixed in some strides, to give our legs a heads-up that we’ll soon be asking them to quickly power up and power down. It was a joy to watch the running economy of Airbags, Bada Bing, Osteen and Rimshot (yes, Osteen, “Rimshot” is the man’s PROPER name!), all of whom glide, particularly Mr. Bags.

Wind down the mosey and circle up.  Exercises:

  • Cotton pickers, 10x, IC
  • Hillbillies, 9x, IC
  • Merkins (15 OYO)
  • Burpees (10 OYO)
  • A little more moseying, to the second parking lot.  Continuing to warm the legs up for the pending Beep…
  • Circle up.  Bada Bing led the Pax through some pre-Beep yoga while YHC set up the phone and speaker for the Beep Test.  Note to self:  Next time Blue Tooth it through the car speakers; the little shower speaker rocks in the shower, but didn’t have enough horsepower to be clearly heard in the dark vastness of the second parking lot.  Doh!

The Thang (Beep Test)

  • Beep Test.  Did a quick review on site for the Pax.  If you weren’t there, I won’t explain it here, but read up on Jumanji’s excellent overview:

Surface conditions? No bueno.  No bueno at all.  Given the high probability of a groin pull (most likely YHC’s) on the slick football field, we shifted the Beep Test to the grit (and puddles) of the parking lot, in hope of maximizing our traction.  The Pax performed admirably; this is a test that plays with the mind as much as it taxes the body.  (There’s always one more beep… and they’re getting faster and faster… bleeping beeps!) Much thanks to Seinfeld for shouting out the level and shuttle counts for those who struggled with hearing it on the speaker.  And mucho respect for the Clydesdales who banged this out.

You can expect to see nice improvement between your first and second time doing this.  Little things add up, e..g, one learns to go out slow and not overshoot the lines.  Mr. House inquired post-test how fast we were going; it varies by stage, of course.  For example, in the 8th stage, your speed equates to an 8-minute-mile pace.  That’s a healthy pace but not a blazing one. It’s the repeated, frequent changes in energy variance — starting to stopping to starting again — that makes this such a physically sneaky endeavor.

YHC will shoot out the spreadsheet with the test results.  You can see how your score rates for your age  at this site:

Salute to everyone for coming out on a crappy morning and powering through the Beep! But we weren’t done…

  • Merkin beep test.  YHC believes in balance.  We had hammered the cardio system via the legs, so we needed to squeeze in some work on the upper body.  We cued up the beep test audio again, and for each level, knocked out five merkins.  When that became too much, shift to four merkins, or skip every other level (beep).  We got to level 5 and cut it off there.

Mosey back to the flag.  Almost done… the core wants a little balance too, so 100 LBCs and Guantanamo Bay.  Done!

Counterama.  Name-a-rama.  (Bullwinkle and Pixar, look forward to getting to know you guys — well done out there today.)

Slash’s Soapbox:  We in F3 like to say that we DFQ.  YHC asked the Pax:  Did we quit today with the beep test?  You could make that argument that we did, and quite logically at that.  After all, there are 21 — that’s right, 21 — stinkin’ levels of the beep test. However… YHC contends that we only truly quit — that is, fail — when we stop trying.  The same goes for how we live.  We can continue to get better, or we can settle for what we are, and for what those around us are.  Or we can keep pushing to improve. Today’s beep test results are just a snapshot in time; we should — we will! — push ourselves to get better at this test, just as we push ourselves to live stronger, better, healthier lives.  DFQ, brothers!

COT / BOM: Prayers for Pom Pom’s MRI result and for McD and others traveling.  And thanks to the Higher Power for the opportunity to give honor to Him by coming together and making the most of the minds, bodies and hearts that he has given us.


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